Phantom of the Opera Parody
by Vixin2
Summary: A parody of Phantom, instead of Christine there's Madeline,who perhaps is the the only sane and normal person in the entire Opera hourse,and actually questions the so called Angel of Music,while Raoul is'nt bashed as much as he usually is in other stories
1. The dumb,the dumbest and the sane!

So,this is a parody of 'Phanom of the Opera', except instead of Christine,I will use my own,made up charecter,Madeline Baudelaire, also,there won't really be any Raul bashing, since I actually like him,well, I like the phantom (Erik) more, but still, and if there is any, it's for the sake of parody :D

Madeline sighed as she and the other dancers were practicing for the ballet had questioned if Hannibal Lector was staring in it,as a joke, only to get bitched slaped by Madam Giry...and the old manager...and for some reason her best friend Meg Giry, basically, her face was still sore, and was wondering why she worked in the Opera Populaire if she was only going to get bitched slaped over a little joke, but still, she had bigger problem's to worry about, like Carlotta making them all deef.

"THINK OF ME! THINK OF ME WONDERFULLY...", shrieked Carlotta, and Madeline called out to her,

"Um, Carlotta, it's 'think of me fondly".

Carlotta turned to her, strided over and bitched slaped her.

"Okay come on, what is this, bitch slap Madeline day", Madeline yelled out, but everyone ignored her yell. Madeline just huffed and went back to practice, as the old manager came in.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE F**K UP", yelled the old manager, which was odd since everyone had quietened down when he came in.

"NOW, it is true that I am leaving this shit hol - I mean wonderfull place, and present to you the new managers, Moinsoir Firmin and Moinsoir Andre, they have resently made it big in the junk buisness".

"Scrap metal", Andre corrected.

"Rubbish"?

"Scrap metal".

"Shit"?

"Scrap metal".

"Junk"?

"YOU SAID THAT ALREADY", Andre shrieked.

"Whatever, anyway, this is your new patron, Moinsoir Raoul de Chagney".

A man with golden locks and a broad smile came in, unfortnately, just as he did, a crazed Phangirl lept at him and attempted to pull his hair out while shrieking nonsense, only to be pulled away while the old manager helped Raoul up.

"Wow, now, why on earth does that only happen to me", Raoul wondered outloud with a slight frown.

"Don't vorry, eet zometime'z 'appen'z to Carlotta", Madam Giry said. ( in my failed attempt at wrighting her a French accent )

Firmin and Andre stared at her and Firmin whispered to the old manager,

"Um, excuse me, but is it just me or is she the first person in a long time to have a French accent"?

"Of course, don't you know, she is a Monté", the old manager said, making everyone in ear shot ( except Madeline ) gasp.

"A Monté! One of the few people in Paris, nay France born to have an actual French accent", Andre asked dramatically.

"Yeah...well, I'm outta here".

The old manager then ran out, and jumped into a carraige waiting outside with all his stuff packed on top and the driver asked,

"Where to moinsoir"?

"AUSTRAILIA! ON THE DUBBLE, GET US THERE IN TWO DAY'S AND I'LL GIVE YOU FIFTY FRANCS"!

The carraige then sped off while making car speeding noises. The new managers and patron stared off and slowly turned back to everyone else, while Raoul said slowly,

"Well, um, as the old manager said, I'm your new patron, I'll be giving this place money so you can put on show's, now I'll just be going, I have to get my hair done for tonight's performance so you can return to rehersals".

Raoul left while everyone went back to what they were doing, Madeline looked sad and sighed while Meg looked at her.

"What's wrong Madie"?

"Well, I remember Raoul when we were children, we played together at the beach, he got my fav scarf out of the water, but he called me 'Little Lotte' for some reason".

"How come"?

"Well, he liked mocha latte's alot, so he probally nick named me after those bloody drink's", Madeline muttered annoyed and went back to dancing.

"So, Madam Giry, who's that blonde hottie", Andre asked pointing at Meg.

"That, iz my daughter Meg", Madam Giry said with a glare.

"Oh, uh, I mean that brunette beauty, who you probally are in no way related to".

"Madeline Baudelaire, zhe is almost like a daughter to me", Madam Giry snaped while Andre and Firmin frowned, knowing that half of the reason they bought this place was not likely to be attainable since Madam Giry was probaly going to be watching them like a hawk around the girls. Meanwhile, Madeline and Meg glanced at each other, knowing instantly the new managers were pervs, while Carlotta was being a bitch and yelled ( in my failed attempt at a Itallion accent ),

"I will not-a perorm-a",

"Please Carlotta, you have to, your our only Prima Donna", Firmin tried to reason.

"We'll give you diamonds, after all", Andre then started singing,

"Diamonds are a girls best frie-", but before he could finish, Carlotta threw her dog at him.

"Fine, I will sing-a, for the diamonds...and I guess my fans".

Carlotta then started doing, what people would compare to killing a cat when she did it, sing. Fortunetly, a heavy pieceof scenery fell on her head. Everyone stared in shock, and Meg yelled,

"Oh my God, Carlotta's dead"!

"N-no, I'm-a fine-a", Carlotta moned painfully as she tried to stand up, but then the heavy curtain fell down, this time, knocking her unconscious.

"F**k, now we'll have to refund everyone", Firmin yelled childishly.

"Miz Baudelaire could zing inzed", Madam Giry.

"Who"?

"The 'brunette beauty'",Madame Giry sighed. "Zhe haz been vell thought".

"By who".

"Uhh", Madeline said.

_Flashback..._

A younger Madeline is in the chaple, praying for her recently dead father, when suddenly.

"Poor, sweet child".

Madeline looked up scared.

"Who's there"?

"It is I, your Angel of Music".

"A-Angel of Music, like the one daddy promised"?

"Yes".

Madeline's eye's narrowed and folded her arms

"How do I know your not some creepy guy that's gunna stalk me, spy on me and shit like that"?

"Would I deceive you like that"?

Madeline was still not convinced.

"Well, if you were really sent by daddy, what's my favourite colour"?

"Um, blue"?

"...Well, you do know it, so I guess daddy really did send you".

"Yeah...sure...anyway, your father sent me to help you become the greatest singing diva of this, or any era"!

"Errr, are you sane, cause so far, everyone in this place is a fruitloop", Madeline said.

"I'm perfectly sane! I'm a genius"!

"Oh, um, well, can you come and face me now"?

"...What"?

"Well, it's not like I'm just going to take lesson's blindly from a disembodied voice, that would just be kinda stupid and silly", Madeline shruged.

"F**k, what do I do, what do I do", the disembodied voice shrieked in his mind. But then said,

"Um, I promise I will when your older".

Madeline narrowed her eye's.

"You promise"?

"I swear it on my mask...I mean life".

"Well, okay then".

_Flashback end..._

"Um, I don't...know his name moinsoir", Madeline said.

"Well go ahead", Andre said boredly.

So Madeline steped up and sang, very wonderfully, and got the part. While she was singing, Rauol was watching and jaw dropped,

"OMG, it's Madeline, and she's gotten more beautifull then last I saw her, now how could I not notice her before, well, I suppose it's not like I was looking for her specifically, I mean, I did'nt know she was here even, aw well, I'm just going to get something * walks off *

After the show, Madeline was in the chaple, when Meg came in.

"You were wonderfull Madeline, who's your teacher"?

"Well, when I was little, he told me he was a angel of music, but I'm starting to think he's just a stalker, it's kinda creepy.

"Silly, Madie, angels don'nt exist", Meg laughed.

"...That's kinda what I said, he's not a angel".

"Angel's don't exist silly Madie".

Madeline stared at Meg as she laughed, wondering if she was the only sane normal one in this God damn opera house.

Well, I hope you liked this chapter, more to come, if you want to review, that's cool, if not, well, maybe someone will someday.


	2. The Journey to the Phantom Lair

Madeline was just brushing her hair when...

"Little Lotte", Raoul smiled when he came in with a bouquet of flowers, and Madeline stared at him.

"Um, Raoul, it's great to see you too, but why do you call me that, it's kinda starting to annoy me".

"I'm sorry, but I came in to say you were awesome tonight", Raoul said, pouting that his childhood sweatheart apparently did'nt love mocha latte's as much as himself. How could she not love mocha latte's, she could have at least liked the name.

"Well, anyway, how would you like to go out for supper"

"Um,well,my tutor told me not to go out, but it's not like he can tell me who to see or not, so sure", Madeline shruged, but either Raoul did'nt hear her, understand her or like everyone else in this opera house, was in no way sane, as he said.

"Oh don't worry, I'm sure he won't mind, I won't keep you up too long * sugestively * much.

"What", Madeline asked wide eyed.

"I won't keep you up".

"Um, well okay".

Raoul then walked out, and shortly after, candle's started to blow out simuainelessly...wait...how the hell did that even happen, I mean, I'm sure you know what'll happen next, and know who is behind what, so if he's there, how did the candle's do that?

_Flashback..._

The phantom is holding one of those small hand hel vaccume thing's and has it set on reverse and runs by all the candle's as fast as possible to be on cue, but was panting by the time he was wallking up the stairs to the mirror in Madeline's room.

"Th-this i-is so not worth it".

_End flashback..._

...Okay...am I the only on who's wondering how he even had a...ah screw, back to story.

"Aw damn it the candle's went out", Madeline muttered wearing a white dress with a long white see through coat. She shruged, since she was'nt going to be staying and was about to leave when here was a banging at her mirror.

"W-w-wa-wait"!

Madeline stooed and turned around and heard panting, and pulled a disgusted face.

"Oh my God, are you masturbating while watching me change"?

"W-WHAT! N-no,I-I was just doing some running, just l-let me catch my breath".

After a couple of minute's, the voice said,

"You have done very well tonight my angel, although you can not go with that viscount"!

"Why not", Madeline asked with a peeved look.

"Because I'm the Angel of the Macarana damn it"!

"Maca...um, don't you mean music", Madeline asked, who was starting to think that the 'angel' was crazy.

"Music? What the hell are you on abou-oooohhh, um, yeah, th-that's what I mean".

"You can't tell me who or who not to go out with", Madeline said glaring.

"Well, he's only a Viscount"!

"Higher then a Baron".

"He has long hair like a girl"!

"I can imagine him with short hair and I kinda prefer him with long hair".

"He...um, he did'nt recognise you"!

"We have'nt seen each other since childhood, what do you expect...wait, how did you...".

"How about I take you to my secret lair"?

"Uhhhh, will I get to see your face"?

"Um, well, half of it"?

Madeline thought about it. On one hand, she had a sort of dinner date, on the other hand she could finally find the identity of her stalker sooo...

"Okay then".

"SCORE", the Phantom yelled in his head while he held a hand out to Madeline. She took his hand and from the side of his face she could see he was actualy handsome...really handsome...like I want to f**k you 24/7 handsome.

The Phantom led Madeline down to his lair. A long journy which involved them going first by stairs.

"Down the steps", the Phantom said, unfortunatly he stood on his cape and fell down while Madeline grimanced.

Elevator.

The Phantom and Madeline stood in a elevator while one of those crappy elevator tune's play.

Horse.

"Where did this horse come from, and do you just leave him here", Madeline asked while she was on the horse while he led it.

"Um, I'll tell you later".

Aeroplane.

Madeline and the Phantom were in a aeroplane for two, while Indiana Jone's music play's while going around rock pillars.

Car.

The Phantom drives a herse while Madeline is sitting in the passangers seat looking bored.

Roller coaster...God damn how long is this gunna take!

The Phantom and Madeline ride past one of those automatic picture taking machine's which show's a picture of the Phantom with his shirt over his head and Madeline having her hands over her head.

And boat.

The Phantom and Madeline we're in a boat while the Phantom was rowing till they got to a small island.

"...You live in a sewer", Madeline asked, slightly disapointed. Although it did look nice with all the candle's, it was still a little dissapointing.

"No, it's a cave with water"!

"...But the water is'nt even that deep by the look's of it".

Then a bitch slap sound was heard.

"OW, oh come on, is me getting bitched slaped gunna be a recurring theme"!

Maybe.

"Damn it", Madeline muttered.

_Meanwhile with Raoul..._

"Madie...are you in there...we we're suppose to leave a while ago...are you in the bathroom"?

Raoul was still outside Madeline's room, unawhere she was already gone.

"Why must you women take so long in the bathroom", Raoul moaned.

Well, I hope you like :3


	3. Masochist?

Okay, I know I'm late bringing this out, but my computer crashed and the saved story was lost, so I had to retype, but it's probably not as good as the first, but I hope you enjoy.

"So do you want a tour of my home", asked the Phantom.

Madeline just nodded, not too sure if it was a good idea to go with this weirdo.

"Well, let's see. That's my organ, that's my 300 inch screen tv, that's my jacuzzi, which I might add has water that can change colour, those are my security camera tv's...".

"Is that my room!", shrieked Madeline in shock before the Phantom turned the screen off.

"No!"

"Is that my bathroom!"

"*turns screen off* no!"

'This can NOT, get any creepier.',thought Madeline shaking her head.

"Oh, and that's my modal manniquine of you in a wedding dress".

"...OH, you are f**king kidding me!"

Madeline was about to countinue untill the Phantom put a cloth stained in chloraform to her face knocking her out.

"Okay, if anyone asks, she fainted".

You suck you know that?

"Oh yeah, well, at least I have a body!"

At least I don't have a mark on my face!

"...Touché, you win this round, monsoir narater."

...You do know I'm a girl, right?

The Phantom looks shocked...for some reason.

"Seriously? Huh,I always thought you looked like a girl..."

That's because I AM a girl, dumbass!

"Hey, you can't talk that way to me! I'm the motherf**king angel of music, bi-otch!"

Oh yeah? Well here's a news flash ass! I'm the narater, I say what happens, so you can die if I write it!

"I-I...I'll be good."

That's what I thought, but since you ate up so much time, which is annoying considering I'm already late on updating this since the computer broke down. I'm not going to let you look up her dress.

"You evil fiend!"

Instead, we're going to watch Raoul whinning at Madeline's door.

"...He's still there?"

With Raoul...

"Madie...please, open and come out?...Are you having your time of month? If you are, I don't mind, honest. Just come on, we can still catch the end of the new Harry Potter movie if you come out now."

Raoul was on his knees and was clawing at the door...litterally.

Back to main plot...

Madeline woke up from her sleep.

"Oh, GOD, my head, hm? Where's that music comming from?"

Madeline walked out and saw the Phantom at the organ.

"Hmmm, should I or...ah hell why not."

As the Madeline approached the Phantom quietly, the Jaws theme began to Phantom heard it and looked around and saw no one.

"Whenever that music plays something bad is about to happen. It can't be the Kraken, I sold him to the Pirates of the Carribean guys to pay the electricity bills, and I destroyed the manuscript of that seriously messed up 1989 version of me, I even burned the ashes just to be sure".

The Phantom was still thinking.

"Then...what could it..."

But before he could finish, Madeline had riped his mask off while dramatic music played. She was grinning madly wondering what would be there but slowly frowned. She had been expecting a messed up deformation, but seriously this was like a sunburn...I mean it.

But the Phantom, being a pissy arogant little basterd, slaped Madeline...and again...and again...and again...you get the idea.

But then, Madeline kicked him in the crot...

"HEY! Not fair", the Phantom glared.

"Fine, she punched him in the jaw.

"That's...wait, what?"

Madeline punched the Phantom in the jaw, Rocky style.

"That's what you get for slapping me, you little bitch!"

The Phantom had a lfreaked out face on, but, he was also a slight masochist, so he was slightly turned on, but snapping out of it he muttered.

"Fine, I'll bring you back up, just get to the Phantom boat."

"...What?"

"JUST GET IN THE DAMN BOAT!"

Meanwhile, again, with Raoul...

Raoul had been clawing at Madeline's door, which wore away at his fingers causing massive bleeding and was currently passed out at Madeline's door, small blood stains on the door and floor, and Raoul was leaning against the door.

A few minutes later, Madeline opened the door and saw Raoul.

"...Am I the only one who finds this creepy...I mean seriously I can't be the only one."


	4. Battle of the Opera's!

**I am sorry that this was late. A lot of stuff has happened and I've been a bit lazy. But hopefully this will make up for it. Thanks to those who've said I should countinue.**

Moinsoirs Andre and Firman were currently having a small argument.

"I DID'NT SEND YOU THAT F**KING LETTER DAMN IT!", Andre yelled, holding a AK-47 to Firman's head.

"WELL I DID'NT SEND YOU A LETTER EITHER!", Firman yelled back,holding a hunting knife to Andre's throat.

And by small argument, I mean they were near the end of their epic battle of who did and who did'nt send the letters, which ended up with the entrance hall of the opera house being riddled with bullets and wrecked beyond recognition. Both their clothes had been ripped and both had tied their ties around around their heads.

"What the hell are you guys doing!"

They both turned and saw Raoul walking up to them with a confused face, not seeming to understand how serious the situation was since he did'nt even see the body of a unfortunate member of staff who got caught in crossfire.

"Your fighting over a letter? Is'nt that a bit silly?"

The two men thought about it.

"I suppose we went a little over bored", the two mumbled, not realizing the severity of what they have caused.

"Now, what were the letters about?", Raoul asked like he was talking to two five year olds.

"Well, my letter says; 'Hey, I've been waiting a month nearly for my money, where's my money man, I want my money. I WANT MY MONEY DAMN IT! If I don't get my money, I'm gunna MAKE you pay! Signed, O.G'", Firman said holding out his letter.

"And mine says; 'It's come to my attention that you have'nt been saving box five for me. It's MY box, no one else's! It has the best view of the opera, especially when it comes to checking out the boobs with a spyglass-Wait I mean, um, the best place to hear the songs. Anyway, if I find this happening again, then I will f**k shit up Signed, O.G'", Andre added.

Raoul nodded his head, as if it was normal to get threatening letters like that.

"Yeah, well, I'm more interested in where Madeline is."

"I know vhere she iz", Madam Giry said entering along with her daughter Meg, not taking into account the destruction around her.

"Ze Ghost az said that she iz good, and right now she iz resting in 'er room, and that Raoul iz to stay avay from 'er."

"He can't tell me what to do",Raoul said like he was a child, and before Madam Giry could countinue, the queen bitch Carlotta entered and pushed Giry to the floor along with her daughter.

"What-a is this-a! One of you-a is-a threatening me-a to not-a sing-a tonight and to be-a the silent-a page boy-a while that bitch Madeline plays the countess!"

"Well, if it's from this O.G, then I don't-", Andre started but Carlotta, being in drama queen mode, huffed and yelled.

"Screw-a you all! I'm-a leaving this dump-a and going some where beter...a!"

Raoul felt happy about Madeline being the countess but...

"You can't leave, your the star. Who care's about Madeline, she's a nutjob anyway", Firman said, although in fact it was the other way round. Madeline was sane while everyone in the opera house was a nutjob.

"We'll give you diamonds, pearls, Justin Bieber tickets", Andre said, though he started wondering why he said that last thing but...

"Seriously, no fooling-a, I love him! He's-a my inspiration! I'll do it", Carlotta said, squeeling like a fan girl.

Meanwhile, the Phantom was listening in and growled.

"You will pay! Now, it's time for me to make a few phone calls to the other opera houses."

He then took out a cell phone and started dialing as he slinked away into the shadows.

"Hey, Opera L'amour? I think I have a idea you might like..."

That night...

Madeline was straightening out her costume for the opera. Truthfully, she liked it MUCH more then a stingy old dress, but apparently girls were'nt suppose to, and on that note, why the hell were women suppose to be in the kitchen, it would have made more sense if both husband and wife worked since they could BOTH bring in money,thereby having enough for bills, taxes, rent, food and maybe even have some left over for fun stuff. But back on track, Carlotta walked in the grabed Madeline by the front of the shirt she was wearing and pulled her up a few inches so they were at eye level.

"Listen bitch-a, I'm the star-a, and your silent, so if you-a try to steal-a this from me, I, will-a, kill you!"

Madeline had a 'WTH' face on but just nodded. Admitably it was great that people liked her when she had been the star of Hannibal, but she was'nt reallly looking for too much attention.

The show went on, everything was alright, ignoring that Carlotta was singing, but then...

"I thought I said box five was to be left empty you basterds!", a voice echoed in the opera house, making a couple of people crap their pants.

"Damn it", Firman muttered under his breath as he face palmed himself. "Just, God damn it".

"It's the Phantom of the Opera!", Madeline cried out, hoping for once that everyone would do something good.

"Oh shut up-a and ignore him...a! What's he going to do-a", the opera bitch said rolling her eyes only for the Phantom to cackle a mad man...more then he already was.

"Oh, it's not me you should worry about for the moment, but the competition".

Everyone was confused by this statement, but then a small group of ten people, a mixture of actors and stage hands who in modern America would be the snooty rich kid group and worked at a rival opera house came in.

"Opera L'amour!", Andre hissed, Firman hissing like a cat along with him before the two nodded at each other and stood on the ledge of their balcony before doing a epic jump flip from it onto the stage, landing on their feet. Giry came out along with Meg while glaring while glaring at the L'amour group.

"Yes, it's us", the leader Marco, a man who looked more like a buisness man and was so snooty that he wanted to fire his current actors and try to convince God to work in his opera house.(It did'nt work out in case your wondering)

"Don't forget about us!", a voice yelled as another opera group of ten, the Ciel Opera House, entered. The difference between this group and the current two was that they not as well dressed, being more of a opera house for the middle class.

"Don't even think we don't exsist los necios! The Spannish speaking Opera House Música is here!", and said Spanish group entered, because every fanfiction parody of a already loved book, show, movie ect, is more funny if there is at least one person speaking Spanish.

Madeline was just looking around, her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights only headlights have'nt been invented yet.

"Now rival opera houses! Go and kill Carlotta! A silver donkey for whoever brings me her head and a gold cat for whoever brings me her lungs and vocal chords!", the Phantom cried out, like he was giving a dramatic speach to a army going to war.

"Screw that! We're taking the opportuinity to take care of this opera house and become the supreme opera house in Paris! We're not going to kill Carlotta, we're going to kill everyone and burn this place to the ground!", a female in the Ciel group dressed as a clown from Itallian operas cried out.

The Phantom glared. "You basterds! You will pay for your insolence!"

"I think we all know what this means", Firman said slowly and calmly as possible.

"Um, just talk things through?", Madeline asked slowly, only to get slaped by every single person on the stage.

"No", Firman said before he pulled a piano leg out from his coat. Andre pulled out a machete, Meg pulled out brass knuckles, Giry pulled out a small handgun and Carlotta ripped her dress off, wearing nothing but a leather bikini which thankfully covered her chest enough as the others on the stage besides Madeline pulled out their weapons of chocie. The other opera houses pulled out various weapons and one or two ripping off their clothes revealing leather bikini's/swim suits and battle suits.

And what about the audience? The were still there, looking confused as hell as to what was going on.

"OPERA FIGHT!", Buquet, also know as the lovable drunk, yelled, grabbing a rope and waving a sniper gun in the air. Cries were heard as Firman, Andre and the others except Madeline jumped off the stage to battle the other opera companies for supremecy, the only sounds being war cries and clash of weapons!

Meg grabed a man by his shirt and punched him in the face with her brass knuckles and let him collapse on to the floor and then grabed hold of another man running straight at her only to flip him over her, throwing him into a glass statue. She then pointed at her next target to let her know she was next as Meg walked over. Carlotta did a few backwords black flips before kicking a man down with both feet and then proceeded to choke him with her thighs! The audience in a panic ran out aside from a few idiots and those in the balcony since they paid good money and thought they might as well watch this fight. Firman and Andre suddenly came in riding horses caught a girl in their net and proceeded to drag her along, unawhere that she was a unlucky audience member in the wrong place at the wrong time. Banquet shot a couple people in the arsm but almost hit the Phantom.

"YOU BASTERD I'M ON YOUR SIDE!", the Phantom roared, and Banquet not liking anyone yelling at him grabed a rope and swung on it, trying to get closer to the Phantom to shoot him in the head but the Phantom was ahead of him and grabed a rope two and swung to meet Banquet, clashing his fencing sword with the drunks sniper gun in a epic way untill he stabed the man in the throat, making him fall on the stage next to a terrifeid Madeline.

"F**k this I'm out of here", Madeline muttered as she walked out quickly, not wanting to die as the battle of the year became more and more blood thirsty!

Madeline ran up the stairs, believing if she hid on the roof she might be free of the madness, at least for a short time. But sadly life is a bitch.

"Madie! Where are you going? There's a opera fight and it's really awesome!"

"Damn it, it's Raoul", Madie muttered, still running. True she had a thing for the guy but he was just as bad as everyone else in this mad house. She turned around to look at Raoul. Aw those innocent childlike eyes. Maybe it was the little things like that why she an affection for him.

"Raoul, I think maybe we should run away from this place. It's a madhouse! I'm constantly harrased, people here believe in the most non-sensible things you could imagine, I'm being stalked by a creeper who thinks his face sun burn is a serious defformity! For f**ks sake they offer a human sacrifice of a orphan boy each month to Madam Giry because apparently she's the equivilant of a Final Fantasy VII Cetra or Ancient or whatever you want to call them! Not to mention I'm constanly being sla-"

SMACK!

"Seriously? Raoul?", Madeline asked with a raised eyebrow as she held a hand to her red cheek

Raoul smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, it looked like fun", he said but frowned once he saw Maddie's glare.

"Um, look. I like you, a whole lot. So if you like, maybe we could elope to Paris?"

"We're already in Paris!", Maddeline exasperated.

"Oh, then somewhere in France that's nice...and stuff".

Maddeline smiled. That did kinda sound good.

"Great! Now lets go watch the fight! Megs already killed a man with a arm of a statue!"

Maddeline frowned. She did'nt agree to anything but she got draged away by Raoul before she could do a thing to stop him. A few seconds later our lovable ghost steps out from behind a statue and sniffs.

"She betrayed me...that little harlot!", he yelled but that attracted the attention of the Opera L'amour ninjas! The Phantom sighed and took out his sword.

"You picked the wrong moment to mess with me...now prepare to meet thy maker!"

The next moment was really fast and done in less then a minute.

The Phantom turned around and ran to the wall leading several ninjas behind him as he ran up the wall before doing a back flip and stabbing his sword through the back of a ninja before quickly pulling it out and slashing the throat of another so severely it nearly became decapitated! He then did some moves in the same spot similar to that of the youtube meme of '_ Get Down'. At first the ninjas around him seemed okay, but then wounds opened up around various parts and they exploded in blood and guts. He saw one trying to get away and picked a dagger up from his belt and threw it at the runaways head so hard it came out the other side. The Phantom sighed once more as he looked at the mess he made.

"...Madam Giry is going to blame all this one me, I know".

**So did you guys like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know if you want, and if you want, leave a suggestion, I might consider it.**


	5. Killing a Kardashian

**I ****I'd first like to thank Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin. Your first review really convinced me to finish the fourth chapter and your second was really appreciated :)**

The next day Firman, Andre, Carlotta, Meg, Madam Giry, and even the phantom were in Firman and Andre's office. Firman sighed as he took a sip of beer imported from America.

"That really got out of hand fast, did'nt it?", he muttered as his eyes glanced to the piano leg he had used in the opera fight, covered in the blood of Marco. Opera L'amour would deffinetly need a new manager.

"Vell, Ve Vould'nt 'ave 'ad zis problem if it vas'nt for a certain zomeone", Madam Giry said giving a scolding look at the phantom who just rolled his eyes like a teenager.

"_I'm sorry mom_", he said, the sarcasm heavy in his tone, before he said normally,

"It's not my fault anyway! Those basterds were suppose to kill Carlotta, the two basterds in charge here were suppose to make Madeline the countess and-"

"LOOK, it's true that there were...casualties, me and Firman have to pay for the surgery of the audience member we draged around in that net, and we've lost some members of staff. But on the bright side, we've damaged the other opera house companies, so everyone will have to come to us. Which reminds me, Emma~".

A blond woman who worked as the secretary and also wore a mini skirt and a revealing blouse came in.

"Yes Moinsoir Andre?"

"Let the repair men know to build a special pit for the middle and lower class to sit won't you?"

"Yes Moinsoir Andre, anything else I could get you?"

Andre let his eyes wander around and licked his lips.

"Yes actually~...get me and Firman a blue slushie each".

Emma nodded and left the room and the phantom piped in.

"Can I go now?"

"Huh? Oh yeah sure, I don't remember why your here anyway", Andre said as he waved his hand. The phantom nodded.

"Okay, see you at the New Year's masquerade".

"I zuppose ve might as vell get ready az vell", Madam Giry sighed as she walked out followed by Meg.

Three months later fireworks exploded as the opera house became full with dancing and music. Madeline came in wearing a midnight blue dress and her hair in a bun with two stray locks on either side of her face. Oh and Raoul was wearing a nice suit.

"Sooooo...when can we announce our engagement?", Raoul asked as he eyed the ring on Madeline's necklace. He put it like that to make her feel more comfortable what with the whole ghost stalker thing.

"En-wha?", Madeline asked confused and looked at the ring on her necklace and went wide eyed. Oh crap, she had'nt thought much of it, thinking it to be a necklace pendant, but only now did she take a closer look.

"Um, not now, soon", Madeline said slowly. She did'nt really feel ready for marriage but she would let Raoul believe that for now.

Raoul pouted but he smiled stupidly and suddenly grabed Madeline by the waist and started waltzing around with the others. Everything was fine untill an unfortunate dancer got hit in the head with a rock and everyone stoped and looked in the direction the rock came from and saw the phantom, dressed very sexilly in red and holding a bag of rocks.

"Now, why are you so supprised to see me...seriously why, I was just here yesterday. Remember, I had that drinking contest with Madam Giry, Firman-"

"You suck!"

WHAM! The next thing that shouter knew a rock hit the poor basterd right between the eyes knocking him down and leaving a growing blood stain on his head. The phantom countinued.

"-and Andre. Then Andre got pissed at Firman because he thought he was cheating and took out a knife and tried to stab him but stabed that prostitute they brought over".

There was a small awkward silence for a few minutes before the phantom broke it.

"Anyway. I brought this opera manuscript with me which is the greatest opera you will ever hear, you bitches are gunna put it on, and the roles will be the way I want it to this time! Carlotta, either learn to act and sing because your in the choir and I don't want you f**king it up. Piangi, if your gunna be Don Juan, your gunna need to loose weight, fast. Firman, Andre, you better do what I say this time, or else and Madeline, your gunna be the star".

"But I don't want-"

"YOUR GOING TO BE THE F**KING STAR!", he roared loudly. Madeline turned to look at Raoul but saw he was gone.

"Damn baby", Madeline muttered, unawhere that the phantom was behind her untill he grabed her necklace and ring.

"Yoink, this is comming with me! Your mine damn it!", the phantom quickly ran to a secret hole that apeared in one of the landings of the stairs and jumped in.

"Oh no, what will I do?", Madie said in a monotone way, not caring even a little about her necklace or ring being stolen but she was surprised when she saw Raoul run past with a sword in hand and jumping into the hole too.

"Come out!", Raoul demanded, squinting his eyes as it was dark, but fortunately the lights came on. Unfortunately...

"No. No. No", Raoul said quietly and slowly as he looked around, seeing nothing but himself.

"He's...He's made clones of me!"

"They're mirrors you dumbass!", the phantom, still hiden, yelled.

"...My God. The opera house was built over a house of mirrors!".

Raoul droped to his knees and began cursing the creator of these ambomination of carnival fun. As a child he had been to a house of mirrors with his brother, father and aunt Edna. They were lost for days in them. Crashing into walls and mirrors, occaisionally breaking a bone or mirror. Raoul crawled out, barely alive after nearly three months with the help of a police dog. He was the only survivor. His aunt Edna was found having died of blood loose having eaten her own legs and arms off, his brother was found embedded on huge shards of glass and his fathers' body has yet to be recovered.

Raoul started breathing heavilly, not wanting to die. He stood up slowly, and the moment he saw his reflection he screamed in a manly way and ran...well, he tried to but he kept hitting mirrors untill Madam Giry grabed him.

"Get me out of here I don't want to die!", Raoul screamed as he started crying. Madam Giry looked uncomfortable but led him out.

Meanwhile back at the party...

"HEY EVERYONE LOOK WHAT I FOUND!", one of the guests came in with a box filled with various types of guns.

"I found all these guns! You know what that means?"

Everyone in the hall grinned like a child seeing an entire table filled with goodies to rot their teeth and slowly kill them from the inside. Madeline however paled in horror and imeadietly ran to get out of their as fast as she could.

"GUN FIGHT!"

Everyone laughed giddidly and grabed a gun before going to their own space and grinned wickedly. As for what types of guns there were. Too many to list. That's all I'm going to say.

"We don't start untill the new year, okay? So, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, HAPPY NEW YEAR! FIRE"!

Everyone started firing and laughing as if it was just a game of throwing water balloons. Coincidently, whenever someone ran out of bullets and were too lazy to reload they just threw their gun at someone.

Now, imagine all this in slow motion Meg Giry skiped happilly, laughing. Every now and then she would shoot someone in the head and laughed it off, somehow managing to not get hit by bullets. Carlotta did backflips from table to table, shooting anyone below her as she did so. Piangi just ran, giggling like a school girl and occaisionally doing a barrel role. When a bullet did come his way, he pulled Kim Kardashian in the bullets path and it hit her in the eye, and Piangi just ran off as the girl rolled around in pain, slowly dying, a hundred years after her career, because it was dead before she was born.

Anyway back to the actual story...

"So...why does the phantom live here? Did he die here or something?", Raoul asked Madam Giry as she poured him some beer. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her noes.

"No, let me tell you vhat really 'append".

Cue Flashback wavy lines and Madam Giry narrating

'I vas a little girl at the time. Me and a few others of my kind, Montés, were on a trip to a small carnaval. Ve vere at the freak show'.

A group of girls were outside a cage and a gypsy steped inside. The gypsy's name was Mark.

"Now ladies, behold, the moster!"

He dramatically pulled off the sack off the head of the boy inside. Mark was waiting for laughter but was surprised when there was none, and looked at the girls in confusion.

"Why are'nt you laughing?"

"Vhy should ve'?", one girl asked in a deep French accent. Now keep in mind that as Montés, they all had deep French accents, so they sounded older then they were. That's how you know if someone's a Monté, not so much if they have a French accent but if when they are young they sound older then they should.

"Yeah, he only 'as a sun burn", another girl said.

"Vhat's so bad about that?"

"Ve vant a refund!"

"Looks like they're not impressed Mark", another gypsy said casually as he walked passed everyone, sweeping up stray straw and animals you-know-what.

"OH SHUT UP FRANK!"

Mark then mentally panicked but then said quickly,

"If you ladies go this way, you will see that the author Stephanie Myers is in the next cage".

"But, I thought she vas only a story made up by parents to keep children from creating Mary-Sues, and ruining a genre", a timid girl spoke.

"Nope, you'll see her in the cage in the following tent. Right now she's working on a book from the point of view of Bella's father".

There were shocked gasps of horror and also curiousity, and the girls walked out, except for Giry.

'I steped out but I vaited a few minutes before stepping back in and I saw the gypsy trying to beat him up'.

"Damn it what did I say! You were suppose to act like a monster and-HEY! Listen when I'm talking to you!"

The boy was'nt paying attention and appeared to be playing with a monkey with cymbals and just as Mark was about to touch him the little phantom to be jumped on him and repeatedly bit his face and throat, hard enough to actually cause bleeding and...did he just eat some of the flesh and-WHOA, that's just messed up! Sorry but you can't see what's happening right now.

End Flashback Now.

"After the censor vas brought down, I helped him escape and brought him here, and he's lived her ever since", Madam Giry finished. Raoul stared in horror and interest.

"How bad...was it?", Raoul asked and Madam Giry sighed.

"Did you ever vatch Higurashi, Umineko, Evil Dead and Cannibal Holocaust?"

"N-no?"

"Watch them and you'll have a idea, but not the last one. Trust me". Raoul just stared for a little while.

"So...how are we going to end this? I mean with all the time people have waited for this, they're gunna want something that'll beat the last chapter".

"Was'nt the gun joke and killing a celebrity everyone in the right state of mind hates a good ending?", Giry questioned.

"No, I mean come on, guns? That's so cliche, we need something awesome". They both sat in silence.

"...You don't know what to do, do you Madam Giry?"

"Not at all".

"Well fuck".


	6. End of the Universe!

Raoul paced back and forth, a arm behind his back and his other hand on his chin in a thinking pose thinking as Meg came in.

"Whatcha doing?" Raoul sighed.

"I just realised something Meg, when it comes to parodies, certain things can be harder then they look. Trying to make funny jokes for example. We have to make up unique ideas so that people won't get bored, and trying to come up with ideas ourselves is troublesome".

"What about chapter four? People seemed to like that in the review", Meg chirped.

"Yes, but if you look closely, it's like that fighting scene between the news station crews in The Anchorman", Raoul mumbled. "And it's not just that, but a joke about Madam Giry's accent? Hpw original is that? Hell she even forgot to put it on it the last scene of last chapter! And right now we're breaking the forth wall! Like that's NEVER been done before! Why don't we just make a joke based off of Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva and bring the game for eternal life thing into this!"

"Well", Meg said. "There have'nt been any Professor Layton jokes in any of the Phantom of the Opera parodies I've read so it would kinda be unique". Raoul thought about this.

"She's right you know, to be honest I want to get on with writing my Sweeney Todd parody, but I want to finish this series since a lot of people seem to like it", both people turned their heads to face a girl in her late teens with dark brown hair, wearing a black t-shirt and denim jeans sipping on tea.

"...Should'nt you be writing this vixin2?", Meg asked.

"Oh, the author putting themself in the very story they're writing, also original!" Vixin2 sighed.

"And I thought this would be a funny joke", she mumbled before standing up, grabbing her black lens glasses as she needed them for computers/tv and anything to be read out of her shortsighted seeing range, and left, but not before saying, "and Raoul, you have one wish left by the way so enjoy that new sword, just don't summon me at least untill another chapter". What she was talking about exactly will be explained further down, just not now.

"...So where's Madeline?", Meg asked casually, like the person controlling her movements as we speak had not just been in the room.

"Oh she's sleeping upstairs, I'm sure she's not going to do anything while a crazy guy is on the loose".

With Madeline...

"I don't care if a crazy guy is on the loose, I'm getting my ring back", Madeline mumbled as she marched through the snowy graveyard. In case you were wondering, no, it's not the ring Raoul gave her, it's another exspensive ring she borrowed from the Phantom...without his knowlage or permission. Unfortunately when she had visited her dad's grave a couple days ago, she only realised that now so she went to retrieve it.

"Ah, there it is", Madeline said with a smile and picked it up from a step up to some mausoleum. Just then, a light came from the door and a shadowy thing floated there.

"Maaadie...MAAADIEEEE...This is your papa...You must go to the Phaaaantom of the opera, it is your DESTINY...The power of the graveyard compels you toooo". In reality of course, the phantom had in fact got a flashlight and lined it in a way to make it look like the mausoleum entrance was glowing while he hung on to the ceiling for dear life, while somehow at the same time holding a fishing rod with a sheet at the end. Madeline just rolled her eyes.

"Well what's mom's first name then?"

"...Pardooon?", the phantom asked, still putting on a ghost voice.

"What's mom's first name, you should know".

"...COME BACK WITH ME TO THE PHANTOM LAIR!", the phantom droped down and ran at Madeline.

With Raoul...

"...MY MADIE IS IN TROUBLE SENSES ARE TINGLING!", Raoul shouted randomly and ran outside, ignoring the stairs he got in the church he was in, attending a wedding in the hope of stealing the cake for his and Madeline's apparent wedding.

"What do I do, what do I do-OH! I got it!", as soon as Raoul got to the bottom step of the church he took out a wooden flute and blew a quick tune on it, then appeared in a puff of silver smoke was...vixin2 again?

"What do you want, I thought I told you not to summon me untill at least another chapter", vixin2 glared.

"Yes, but Madie is in danger! I want a pair of super duper boots that can jump as high as the Eiffle Tower to any destination I want!", Raoul excailmed with vixin2 frowned.

"...Seriously? I mean, I AM the controller here, you could have me do anything, even just bring Madie here or better yet , for you at least, kill the phantom on the spot".

"No, the shoes will be fine". Vixin2 felt one of her eyes twitched. She had planed on given the flute that can summon her and grant three wishes to phantom, but some how Raoul got it, and since the flute has a no take backcies rule, she was stuck with him untill his wishes were used up.

"Or you could just take a horse, I mean there's no such thing as time in the universe of parody, or storytelling for that matter, so you could easilly-"

"Shoes. Now!"

A minute later Raoul was admiring his new magic shoes, which looked like the the shoes Sora wore in Kingdom Hearts. If you don't know what I mean, they're big and bright yellow and make his feet look two or three times bigger.

"Well, all your wishes are used up, I still think you waisted your first wish on cookies", vixin2 mumbled.

"Screw you! Now, to rescue Madie! One, two, three!", Raoul jumped hard on the ground and next thing you know he's God knows how high in the air, and he kept going higher untill he started to lower down, coincidently where Madeline and the phantom were, and unfortunately, the later is who was used as Raoul's safety mattress.

"M-Madie, are you okay?", Raoul asked, a little shakilly from the impact as he stood up. Madeline stared, wide eyed and jaw droped.

"...WHAT THE FUCK WAS THA-", cue Madeline getting bitched slaped by Raoul.

"What was that for!"

"...I'm not sure, but you have'nt been slaped in a while so-"

"Stop. Right. There. Beyotch!" The phantom stood up and glared at Raoul before he drew his blade. Let us do battle in a way most epic!"

Raoul only nodded and took out his own sword and then a stereo set and turned it on to the Sephiroth Theme from Final Fantasy VII and the two started slashing at each other to the music's rhythm, the following bonus's showing up above them in small white letters.

+100

BLOCK

+75

+200

BLOCK

BLOCK

2 HIT COMBO

MISS

"I won't let you win monster!", Raoul yelled as her pressed his sword against the phantom's, really hard! (the metal one perverts!)

"That's it! It is even more on then before!", the phantom jumped back and raised his arms and as he did so he started to levitate up untill he was out of arms reach.

"I cast, METEOR!"

As the phantom screamed that, portals of darkness appeared behind him and out of them shot meteors! All aiming at Raoul. The poor man went wide eyed and started running inbetween gravestones, meteors hitting them just as he passed them. Luckilly the spell only summoned about seven in total so evetually it was safe for Raoul to stop running. He turned around and started running towards the phantom, then started doing foreword jump flips untill he jumped into the air and tackled the phantom in midair, but they both stayed in the air and started doing very fast moves with their arms and legs to the point of blurryness, and it seemed like they were trying to hit each other but were somehow failing.

"Your both idiots", Madeline mumbled and at this Raoul glared down at his love.

"Well if you think you can come up with a better plot device, I'd like to hear it! Your not even a cannon charecter! Your just created by vixin2 to replace Christine in a attempt to make this a little unique amoung the other Phantom of the Opera parodies, so I don't think you should have a say in-", but Raoul got cut off once he noticed a bright glowing green light appear burst out of nowhere in the middle of the graveyard, and it seemed to be getting a little bigger at a dangerous rate, and things that were very close to it were getting sucked in.

"Wh-what's that!", Madeline asked, her eyes wide like a doe's caught in headlights.

"You fool! Look what you've done! You've broken the fourth wall so many times in this chapter that it's making the universe destroy itself!", the phantom yelled at Raoul and punched him in the back of the head before he levitated down to the ground, Raoul still in the air.

"What do you mean by that!", screamed Madeline but then she noticed she was getting pulled in to the bright light of doom. She went pale and tried to run in opposite direction but the force was so strong she found herself on her stomache trying to crawl away, only to get sucked in.

As the light got bigger, more things were getting pulled in, like gravestones, shrubs, trees even! Raoul was trying to air swim away(doing doggy paddle in case you were curious) but alas, he easily got sucked in. And our dear phantom? He was clinging onto the ground and trying to pull himself away from the force of the universes destruction.

"NO! I CAN'T DIE! I'M TOO RICH AND HANDSOME AND TALENTED AND SEXY TO DIE!", He yelled passionately as he now clung to a branch. But said branch snaped and in slow motion the phantom got pulled in, even his yell of 'NO' was slow motion, before just as he was inches away, speed resumed and he got sucked in, followed by the rest of France, Europe, the world, the planets and everything else in the univerese!

You may question, 'is this the end?' And my answer?

FUCK NO! Stick around, they'll be back before you know it, though it'll take time to fix the universe again.


	7. The End of it All

"Vell...that Vas certainly odd", Madam Giry said as she sipped on some tea with her daughter.

"Yeah, who would have thought that the universe would end like that", Meg said in a tone like it was okay for the world to just destroy itself and then fix itself days later. Madeline however looked horrified,

"How can you both say that like it's nothing? The universe temporally ended and everything was crazier then this asylum believe it or not! The things I have seen can NOT be described with words, and even if there was an attempt they would have no use! It was just simply horrible in that place, horrible! Horrific! Mentally scaring!"

BITCH SLAP!

"Seriously?", Madeline raised a eyebrow at Meg as she rubed her cheek, numb from all the bitch slaps she had received. Meg just grinned.

"It's fun~" Madeline rolled her eyes at this and stood up.

"If you need me, I'll be looking for another job", Madeline mumbled as she left the room, trying to stay positive that she would soon be able to leave this fanfic as soon as it was over.

Meanwhile, with Raoul and the managers...

"Okay, so here's my plan for what...you know who should write next", Raoul said, carefull not to break the fourth wall again. "She should do Sweeney Todd, it's perfect!" The managers stared at him.

"Moinsoir de Changey, should'nt we be plotting on how to capture the Phantom and keep Madie safe?"

"Psshhh, we'll just do what he says and have lots of cops ready to open fire!"

"...But...won't that put the performers at risk?", Andre quetioned, for once being usefull...ish

"Hello, they're PERFORMERS! Performers don't get hurt while performing"

"...That...makes PEFECT sense! Let's get the show on the roll!", Firman grinned like he was on crack.

Later, on the night of the performance...

"Raoul...?", Madeline questioned slowly as she looked behind a curtain and into the audience.

"Yes sweet Latte, what is it?" Madeline bit her lip to keep herself from swearing at the blonde for reffering her to those damned, inferanl heated beverages that could have cream if someone wished it to be and asked,

"Where are the police, you said there were going to be police if I went along with this bullcrap".

"Well, I noticed they were late at first as well my dear, but then I realised, they must be pretending to be the audience! It's genius! They're right there and the Phantom won't realise it!"

An hour earlier...

"Okay so here's a hundred francs each. I know I can't keep you from actually showing up, but this should cover being about an hour and a half late", the Phantom said giving each police officer a bag of money.

Back to current time...

"And all you have to do is perform this with Piangi".

A half hour earlier...

"Hey Piangi, I'm gunna have to play your role sooooo yeah, you have to die".

"Wait, wha-AGGHHHHH!", the little fat man cried as the Phantom shoved his fist right into his stomache on pulled out his intestine and choked him with it.

Back to current time...

"Yep, everything will be fine", Raoul chirped happilly like a bird in spring having just gotten some.

"...I want to kill you right now", Madeline muttered bitterly before she picked up a magic remote control to fast foreword to the part that everyone wanted to see.

FAST FOREWORD TO SCENE WHERE MADELINE SINGS PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN WITH THE PHA-I MEAN PIANGI...

"So, choose me over that pansy!", the Phantom, gesturing to himself and Raoul, said to Madeline, said girl looking around her, wondering why the hell no one had noticed this was the Phantom and not Piangi.

"I AM NOT A PANSY!", Raoul roared loudly enough for the entire opera house to hear, having somehow heard that. Madeline sighed in frustration.

"You know what, I've had it with your whole, 'oh, I'm deformed so I can't have normal human contact' thing. I'll prove to you your over reacting!" Madeline grabed the Phantom's mask and riped it off, revealing the "deformation" *cough*sun burn*cough*to the world.

The entire room was silent, no one said a word...untill...

"OMG, LIKE, THAT SUNBURN IS LIKE, SOOOOOOOO, HIDEOUS!", some random teenage girl who was meant to be a stereotype of annoying girls who use the word 'like' way too much in a sentence let alone a day.

"Oh come on! It's not that bad! How can you even see it from there?", Madeline yelled.

"Yeah, it's not that bad!", a random person yelled.

"Screw you it's hideous!", yelled another.

"Leave out the 'you it's hideous' and that's exactly what your mother said to me last night!"

"That's it! Your going down!"

How it happened Madeline was'nt too sure, but what started as a small fight between two people escalated into an entire battle between one another in the crowds! There were even people from other univereses there!

Zoro from One Piece kept slicing and dicing people, and stabbing them in the neck, all while doing a tarzan cry. Alucard from Hellsing shot in all directions before forming his arm into a hellhound and having it eat a couple of people. Sweeney Todd kept swinning slashing people while doing ninja tricks and kept screaming like a metal rocker. King Leonidas charged in with his small army and clashed with the army of his Meet the Spartans counter part. Meg jumped from the stage and riped her top off revealing a bra with gun pistols on them and put on her trusty brass knuckles and fired her gun-bra at random directions. Some audience members grabed swords and spears and torches from under their seats and joined in as well, killing, maiming and buring everthing and everyone in their way. Even Zuko and Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender had a epic re-battle, Zuko's normal fire against his nutjob of a sister's blue fire, but they were'nt the only ones to have a re-battle, for Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort were casting spells like no tommorow! Eventually the police did show up, but caused more harm in that they opened fire on everyone in the audience. Eventually a fire did start when someone set off several fireworks.

Madeline stared at this, wondering how all this could have happened just because of a sunburn.

"Great job woman, now I can never come up to the surface again", the Phantom huffed in annoyance like a child.

"You know, if you had come up more they would'nt be over reacting like this", Madeline muttered.

"Whatever, we're going to the Phantom Lair!"

"Wait, wha-", but the Phantom cut a rope, which made them drop down into a hole in the stage.

"HEY! That's my bride to be you basterd!", Raoul yelled, having jumped onto the stage after stabbing Homer Simpson in the gut to escape him and then jumped into the hole to follow them, but he ended up in the hall of mirrors once more.

"Fiends! You may have taken my father, brother and aunt, but I will defeat you!", Raoul yelled at the mirrors and with his sword proceeded to smash all mirrors in his way out of pure rage and annoyance and idiocy.

Back with Madie and the Phantom...

"...And after we get married, we'll move into Notre Dame Cathedral for a while untill the heat here blows over. Well, the bell tower to be more specific. I have a friend there who's a cool guy. Admitably he has this weird thing of talking to gargoyle statues when he's alone, but I'm sure he'll stop while we're there, he'll probably be happy to have human company for a while. I should warn you, like I he too is disfigured, but I'm sure if you can somehow live past my deformity you'll live past his. He's a nice guy, not very bright but still. Once they stop looking for me we'll move back here, but if not I have a backup lair below us, which they shall never find because only I know the password to the secret passage, and only I know which mirror the passage is behind and...", Madeline's eye twitched in annoyance as she listened to the Phantom go on and on about their apparent future. Why did he listen to what SHE wanted? Would'nt that be more fair?

"PHANTOM! GIVE ME BACK MADELINE YOU SON OF A WHORE!", both Madeline and the Phantom were surprised to see that Raoul, covered in cuts and mirror glass came splashing in through the water.

"Well the viscount, it seems we shall end this once and for all!", the Phantom hissed before jumping into the water and tackling Raoul down into the dank waters of the sewar.

"IT'S A CAVE WITH WATER!"

No one cares! Anyway, the fight went on for two hours! There was scratching, kicking, stabbing, eye gauging, limb tearing, hair pulling, debowling, murder, fire, sex, voodoo and other things you WISHED were happening because in reality for the past two hours they were just slapping each other like wusses.

Madeline however, finally had it.

"ENOUGH!", she shrieked loudly, and being a opera singer it was a pretty loud one. Both the men looked at Madeline, wondering what she had to say.

"I'm sick of this crap! This opera house is a nut house filled with idiots and dumbasses! I'm tired of being slaped, I'm tired of your paphetic fight and I'm tired of all this obsession just cause I can sing better then that whore Carlotta! It's not a big deal, anyone can sing better then that slut! Your FARTS could sound a hell lot better then her vocal chords! Phantom, your an idiot who is over reacting about your face, and Raoul, your just about as bad as everyone else in the f**king place! I've had it! I'm not going with either of you, and I'm leaving!"

Madeline then stormed out, pushing candles down as she did so. The two men in the water could only stare blankly in shock.

"...Well...now what?", Raoul asked, since he did'nt really have a reason to fight anymore.

"Well, we should probably get out of here since one of the candles has started a fire", the Phantom said casually, which was true. One of the candles pushed down by Madeline fell onto some manuscripts and since a lot of things back then would have been flamable it was'nt long till there was a fire.

"Are'nt you worried about that? You don't sound as if you are".

"True, but we're in the water, so there's nothing to worry about".

Then, oil spilled on the water, making it possible for the fire to be on the water and block the only way out.

"...Well we could still swim under it", Raoul said untill the fire expanded what was keeping a chain connected to the gate down, causing the gate to shut.

"...Yeah we have a problem", the two then looked at eachother and screamed in total panic for their lives.

**Where are they now?**

_Madeline Baudelaire left for Versailles. She had to be housed in a mental health ward for seven months do to occaisional snaps in which she would try and beat someone wearing a mask and a man with longer the normal hair. After ten years she published a selfhelp book entitled 'How to Survie Madness', which has become popular with those who are in a situation Madeline was once in. She is currently happilly married and is working on a biography about her life back at the opera house in Paris._

_The Phantom managed to escape what is today known as the Phantom Lair Fire by using his wet clothes to his advantage, and clothes he stole from Raoul de Chagney to run through the fire to a secret passage and escaped. He hid in Notre Dame with his friend but was kicked out after two weeks because the friend felt taken advantaged of. He discovered that King Leonidas of Sparta was dead after finding his body in a pile of bodies left over from what is known as the Last Battle of the Opera House and seeing the resemblance traded clothes and told everyone in Sparta as Leonidas his face got injured in battle and that he had amnesia. He kept Leonidas's wife as his own and is currently expecting his third child with her._

_Raoul managed to escape the Phantom Lair Fire by holding his breath underwater untill he saw a chance to climb up one of the cave walls and stayed there till the fire stoped. His back was badly scorched after the incident. After this he tried out for the part of Anthony in 'The Sweeney Todd Parody You Never Saw'. He did'nt resemble Keira Knightly enough so he was not given the part. His current whereabouts are unknown but he was last seen in Vegas with some strippers and hoe's._

_The managers of the opera house finally confessed their feelings for one another and are working on have their marriage legally done and are currently looking for babies from Asia to adopt._

_Meg Giry moved to America where she became a overnight sensation in the showbiz industry. Her namemaker is the famours movie 'Not Without My Bagel' which won her a emmy and oscar. _

_Madam Giry is currently being worshiped in France by a cult who unlike the opera house only sacrificed a orphan boy to her once month, they sacrifice a orphan boy and a cat to her three times a month._

_Carlotta could'nt find work anywhere, not even prostitution. She wanders the streets now, offering her body to anything that breathes of all ages but so far has had no luck._

**And so ends our tale of Phantom of the Opera Parody**, **but this is not the end, for soon I shall have 'The Sweeney Todd Parody You Never Saw' up. So fear not if you somehow enjoy my work and want more, you have the Demon Barber of Fleet Street butchered by me to look foreword to.**


End file.
